My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
