its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
