So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
