It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Holy shit dude........stairs
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