Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
