im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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