Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
