Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize