meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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