Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
