In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
