dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
