also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Everclear isn't food dammit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
