Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
