It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
