i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Terrible idea I love it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
