the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
