Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
