How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
