i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize