We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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