She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize