He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize