Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
