i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
