i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize