Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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