my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
