Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
