I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
