So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
