dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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