dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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