He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize