I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
