I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
