New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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