Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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