He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drunk is not a location!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
