apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think i got beer on your cat.
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