Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Umm I'm too high to move.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
