The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Welp...herpes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
