dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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