Will you blow on my dice?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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