Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
