We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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