this boner is exhausting
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize