Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
