If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my being single is dangerous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize