I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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