I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
