Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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