I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize