I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are two peas in an std pod
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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