someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
