Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
