Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's the barista slut.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
