Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
