my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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