Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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