My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
