Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
