I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize