Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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