Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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