I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
