Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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