I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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