I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
