I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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