it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
