Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
