I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
