Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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